My goodbyes (please read)
Um OK well here is that journal entry I promised everyone, I just hope you aren't pissed at me, I didn't mean to make such a big deal out of it, well I mean it is; for me, and I know not everyone is going to care. I know this is long, and it doesn't take a lot, for your attention to be well lost but please read it all, it just means so much to me. Sorry for removing your work from my favourites, I did this for two reasons one quite simple, the other, and not so simple. Um I dunno where to begin, well obvious reason number one; I am leaving deviant art, the other reason is somewhat to do with why.
If I was just
leaving well then of course I would have left your work in my favourites, of course I want people to think you're great cause you are and I wouldn't have favourite it in the first place without a reason, the same for un-favouring it. Man it's just soooo hard to explain, I care I do, I wouldn't have wrote you all comments or wrote this if I didn't, the truth is, please don't anyone offended, you are better than this place and it took me one year two months and not entirely 16 days to figure out why
Apparently what makes a good artist (and I think this goes beyond this site) is your comments and favourites and I couldn't disagree more, this IS NOT TRUE and I can't believe you and I are being told that, what makes someone a good artist and I am so sorry this seems to be only my opinion and that this is what we are supposed to stand for, I feel used. What in my opinion
makes you a good artist isn't exactly wanting to be a good artist it's caring and trying it's have potential, if you were just to write poems cause it's a category on this site, don't bother wasting your time ask yourself why, if you were to write something for no goddamn reason or haven't got a clue what you are talking about well then that's pretty stupid isn't it? I believe if you do something without a reason or for the sake of it, it will never reach your highest standard only can you reach it and go above it when you care, don't do something for the sake of it or 'because' if poetry wasn't an option on this site, but you joined it anyway ask yourself would you be here today? I'm not pointing fingers at anyone and of course it's different to joining this site and whatever viewing poems, talking, whatever becoming interested of course that's different it's showing an interest
, everything I said is also included in drawing and photography and well art a definition of art is not trying it cause you're jealous someone else is good at it or well beard is a fun word
I mean everything is art, cause well it's beautiful, and when you create something that is too, so why force it, why pretend you care, one question, the answer to a lot of things-why?
I don't want you people to be under-credited thinking ''you suck''
Nor do I want you over-credited and then become vain and stuck up or whatever
Each piece I had favoured I regret removing from my favourites, but once I reminded myself why I felt better. I'm sorry, and for if you don't understand or agree
You all know how much artists there are out there and their work is
amazing and they have no watchers not favourites no comments(or very few on each) and then there are people who's work is general ok I'm not saying I'm miss know it all judger what I meanings they don't give a crap submit whatever whenever for no reason no thought, no hard work or meaning and they are promised a comment or favourite or whatever
.there are also people who are what good whatever told ya not being stereotypical here and are also promised this
What I am saying is it becomes nothing to do with the work but person, and I'm sorry people but this is an art site or was meant to be, we have ruined it, in my eyes I see deviantart and a chat room overcrowded with art thefts, liars, stereotypical ignorant bastards, pointless what 'posers' and in the middle a few cool people struggling (hey a few outa a million is a load
)please people who I've asked to read this I'm not talking to you, but I've had my fair share of assholes on this site, more than actually
.over a million people, you can't expect us all to get along, let's make it clear I'm not the one with the problem
I 'm also sorry if I ever offended anyone, don't get me wrong I am not trying to be miss no it all perfect cause I am far from it, and admitting it, though I do try in life, which in my opinion is better
Anywho I hated submitting something or coming onto this site knowing I was to get at least what ten comments on my latest poem, isn't that saying that I'm getting it more for me than for my work, I could submit something great, something terrible and I'd doubt half the people would recognize the difference.
Before I'm finished making my million paged answer please hear me out
I have no reason, no point to submit my art on this site anymore and I'm gunna list all those reasons out here, now, some of you may ask why and I'll tell you why cause I care, I say it and I mean it, though whether or not you believe it
And I want you to know, just getting my view across, honestly I don't think any of us should be on this site, and not because you 'suck' because people do
Ok well with my reasons
Why are we on this site?
To show other people our work, see what they think, to help us and our work to 'grow'
So why isn't any of this happening for me?
I mean I show people my work, but it doesn't do anything for me
I just realised showing other people, doesn't do me any good, I mean what has it done nothing, and helping me and my work grow, didn't work wither, my mind and the mind of a few others are the only things that really help me
When I joined this site my poetry was meh ok-ish it needed a lot of improvement, and I think I can proudly say in just a year, it has grown so much, I mean there is some of my work I can look at and say wow, as if it was one of you guys, and admitting to myself something I did was good and admitting it out loud is well hard so I'm proud I can say it. But the thing is I made me better I helped me and I'm sorry to say no one else did, and don't be annoyed at me, I'm the one who should be annoyed, how many people who watched me only watched me cause I watched them or said hi, or commenting on one thing, COME ON HOW MANY? If you won't raise your hand in the air I'll gladly do it for you, and I'm pissed off about that, not many people watch me cause of my work, I mean yeah there are a few and thank you
but come on, I know not all of you did cause of my work, I have people who come onto my page watch me go away and don't ever speak to me again, what can I ask is the point? To set me up? Cause once again we are abusing deviantArt's prividglies?
I'm not singling people out and praising them nor pointing the finger at others but few people who commented on my poem had a clue what I was saying and even less meant it when they said they liked it
Tell me why you did/do like my work
Tell me why was it 'deep'
Tell me what type of 'style' I have
Tell me why you bother commenting, thought I'd be offended?
No sorry I would rather log on and have two three four people discus my poems with me tell me what they liked, disliked and why
Rather than logging on and having 13 14 people tell me 'oh wow a poem,
so descriptive' when you haven't got a clue? Don't get me wrong It's ok to favourite things without saying anything, and it's ok to be left speechless or unable to describe, your like, dislike towards it I'm like that, and sometimes I know wow or poor or whatever is all you have to say, I got a little bit to mad at ya'll trying and failing miserable to keep my temper under control, but come on guilty faces admit, I'm right.
Another thing is a whole lot of you out there aren't able to face the truth, I've lost count of the amount of people who
yay when someone praises there work(not that that's bad it isn't)but
(this is) ignore people when the critique there work or be well very rude. Let's make this clear shall we
People are entitled to there opinion and once you have a critique encouraged or critique welcome sign, they are very welcome to their opinion, if they are rude about it, or verbally abuse you or 'attack' (ya no e.t.c) they are in the wrong, also if you disagree with them of course you to are welcome to your opinion in the same manner you wish them to use
ahhh see it's a two way thing
Ok other reasons smaller things
I'm sick and tired of everywhere I turn seeing naked ladies or people making out or 'gothic, suicide, punk
' you people don't know how much I hate stereotyping, beside the fact that I've been stereotyped against which has caused me to be bullied for 12 years of my life!!! it's horrible and I hate seeing it done, don't fucking ever try to put me into a 'group' or anything, Elaine tell them hoe much I hate it tell them, what you warn other people when you whisper behind our backs 'don't say that in front of Amanda, she'll kill you' people make me sick, but it's also the fact that woah, daily deviantations have turned into pointless shity porn! I'm not saying all pictures with people in their nude is porn, and I understand some of it's art, and that's fine with me, but woah there is a line between art and porn, and you guys have crossed it! No it's for the sake of it, or pictures of naked women and it's covered up to be art, and then you guys rant on(when I say guys I don't mean men like guy just stands for everyone girls too
)about ''there's some good porn man'' I've fucking see your journal entries!!! And for those who disagree ok then so how come there doesn't seem to be any male pictures of 'art'hum? Eah thought so
Ok moving on
Ok, um yeah (please still read you can't judge me till the end
) there are other little things about this place that annoy me like me friends are on it, so I was limited on what I had to say, not so as I can't tell them but what if they didn't want us to say something involving them knowing they had to read it or face it or be apart of something they asked not to be! it's called respect!
also I was mad cause some of them only joined for the sake of it no matter how much they deny and I should be just as pissed off with you as everyone else (actually no I'm fair) because it's the exact same thing, right?
right! So don't fucking quit because I did and two of our other friends did, and don't not quit because I just said that, think for you alright?!
I watch too many people what 110 more people? And I can't keep up with it, especially when ya submit like 10/20 things a day, and I'm not exaggerating, some people submit easily 50 things a day not everyday though but still like woah, my message centre is fucked I never get my comments and I have to go looking for them, and I also have an extra journal entry that never shows up
I'd say something but I'm leaving, so if you guys have the same problem, well then it's up to you. Also nearly every time I reply a comment I have to try again later or my name changes to unidentified, unidentified.
Ya anywho as I was saying earlier on, I'm sorry If I ever offended anyone and I shouldn't but that doesn't mean if I was ever right I'm now wrong, because then nothing changes in that
Also wow there is it me, or did a lot more people than usual join this year? Well I hope they read this
.I'm not saying think what think and say! I'm saying think about
what I think and say
Also on this whole jark thing, and community thing, I wanna clear up why I decided not to follow this august 7th thinger, and this is why;
All those people who didn't even no who jark was or who didn't even care, are now his biggest supporters (please don't think I'm saying that is everyone because I know it's not I know some people knew and supported him before all this and well go them) but that's why I couldn't come apart of it, I had being apart of just one big contradiction
I mean you didn't give a fuck, I thought I was supposed to and I care about things but why all of a sudden would I be sticking up for something I wasn't already, just like people to wait until something bad happens until they react, if we cared to fucking much where were we ages ago, telling jark he is the heart of dA' I read a lot on it, and how he suffered stress an everything from this site, where were we then for him? If anybody was good for them really, but what about the rest of us? And as for community the exact same thing, a community is when a whole load of people are brought together in which this case we are, and I'm sorry I don't agree with this community, as I don't most
. Why act different, why wait until the big horrible thing happened until we react? Because we want to seem like we care, because we are ignorant we are, we are, we are. If you disagree, why? Back to the big question, why?
I'm not deliberately pissing people off and it wasn't intended I'm speaking the truth, something we all fear.
Another thing I am to submit my poems ok, and how do I protect them for being stolen 'hem hem this is copyrighted' but anyone any one copy and paste? And I don't want to take that risk, I also don't want dA to own my work, or anyone, I wrote it for me, on how I feel with my family friends, people life, the person I love, and nobody can nobody
</b></u> can know exactly how I feel, my feelings wrote it, not your's! You may come close, but seeing as we are all individuals
Ok I know I wrote tones so far, but I still have to get to my main reason why I'm quitting dA this doesn't necessarily have to concern you, but it can happen, and it does so in a way
The internet is not 'healthy' for us all to be on it as often as we are, how any of you people can admit you're addicted? How many of you people snort and say I can go without the internet I just don't want to I'm grand? Cause you both are in the same boat. I didn't like admitting it, but ask my family or friends I'm fucking addicted to it, I easily become addicted to things, it started of with just the internet, I use to go onto boerd.com a lot I use to go onto 'song meanings' I got so pissed off with everyone there, I mean it was actually called song meanings and people would come up with things like 'who cares, songs with meanings are boring, and then they use those big words, they're the idiots, plus they're sooooo hot look at them
I'll choose na na na na na na any day over a song that means anything, god you're sooooo stupid'' I got way to mad(oh yeah I get angry really easy in case you haven't noticed^_^) so I forced myself to leave so I came across chat rooms, which my dad introduced to me so yeah! And I was on them for a while, while still going on to them I joined dA (not because I wanted to stop going on chat rooms I was still going on them for much longer) then Christmas came and I had over two weeks holiday were mom expected me to study for 6 and a half hours each day ehh no sorry so from 9 am to 5 pm everyday I would be on the internet like that's' 8 hours for what 14(not including weekends I only spent some hours on it then)days Jesus how man hours is that? I also spent most of Christmas on it, and on st Stevens day (Boxing Day^_^) I was on it from 5/6 pm until 5/6 in the morning, Jesus I have a goooood memory. Um and I would be on dA a lot also then one day I said no, no more chat rooms and I've only been on a few times since(I'd pop in and then say um meh and go) so after school I'd go on it, finally I'd have the time I needed for dA I submitted loads, and watched loads of people, got a good few watchers myself, went grand for a while, until we got thousands of viruses and well my computer would barely turn on, and then my bother was very ill, in hospital of nearly two weeks, haven't told you all this no, too personal yeah guess I am now
and that was February 23rd(same day it was annoyed about blink182
actually technically the day before, but that was the day everyone found out
)um and that's when I wasn't going on for a while(and I swear it killed)my bother got better, and the computer didn't so then I started going to internet cafes, four euro an hour! And sometimes in Elaine's house but the messages built up
.finally my computer was fixed but I wasn't allowed back on because I had the junior cert grrrr, so the day I finished the junior cert I was back on (after dinner and taekwon do) hum the 17th of June I think it was) I spent all night on it I didn't go to bed until 6 am ish and well since then I've been on it all day and if not all night, when I don't need to I mean well yeah to get through all my messages but come taking over me, some poems on this site I write when I was fourteen and I joined this site when I was fourteen but for all of my fifteenth year, well this damn site has possessed me. And well I'm different I am, I grew up I did didn't I, and well this is my past, everything that has a beginning has to have an end, everything but one thing, and this isn't that one thing, the only thing that doesn't die is love
I don't need this site anymore it's my distraction, my wasted summer, my wasted year, a year I needed to me, a year i lost, a lot of thing happened this year, with my two grannies and my brother thing, and my moms family and friends and guys well some things I just don't want to talk about
.so excuse me if I keep it to myself
I felt so weird when I was on dA I mean I don't get the same excitement I use to get, I use to be excited did anyone see my work
.now I have no reason to be excited I just get those weird feeling thinger blech I can't explain in, dA is like a panic attack, which I've had enough of thank you
.near the end I could no longer comment, I got to emotional when looking at people's work, I look to much into things, everything reminds me of everything and I hate it, I hate that weird feelings. Why do loads of people go on da come on Damien you said it the other day, you miss dA you wish you could be on it right now (instead of walking down he street with me, the shop isn't that far away
.) it's something to do when you're bored! ha see but the funny thing is it isn't something to do, no actually I have a lot of other things I should be doing, and do you know what before I finish this off I'll go do it, see I'm addicted to becoming un-addicted if that can even make sense ok I'm back yeah anyway as I was saying really 'I need something to do' is just an excuse nobody ever becomes bored, you make yourself bored, how come I can sit an think and not be bored by option but when sitting in a car i'm bored can't I sit and think or listen to music, if I was at home it's what I do, see it's all in the mind
you tell yourself i'm bperd let's go on dA, but i bet you have one million other things to do, and loads of you spend an awful amount time online, everytime i look....
At night I just can't sleep I haven't properly slept in a month or two and I need sleep with this site out of the way I hopefully will get that sleep I need. I know other things keep me awake, but I think it will be much easier now this is out of the way
You people I watch are great you are and I won't log on again after I submit this, I'll come back on every once in a while not logged on to check on some people, and if you left any comments I'll read them, yeah
.so it's back to the start checking out this site, except this time I know, this time I know
..I'll miss it at first, but I'll be relieved I left, I won't actually miss it for what it was, but how much it meant to me
it was like another home
.I'll miss some of you
.I have hotmail I just don't know if it works, here's my address anyway firstname.lastname@example.org yeah I'm frank that fairy^_^
The only reason I leave my name on your friends list is because well I kinda want ya'll to remember me, and I'm so sorry I never made the-last-petal into a proper account I was supposed to I was really
Um just have a few more things I wanna say, and I know I've said so much, but it's a whole year and more we're talking about here
Um ok as I said I've grown I kinda feel like I created music-heals became her and then killed me, no I grew the end, I'll still wear my music-heals pleclace and I'll write all my poetry into a scrap book make something of it, and of course continue to write, I mean I wrote before I joined this site
.and I got my digital camera today (my birthday!)so I want to be gone now, be gone so I don't spend any of my sixteenth year here, yeah I'm really weird, but no it's not, I have so many reasons.
For all you people who view my site, after I left, who never knew me when I'm here do not label this a wasted account
</b></u>it is not, it was very much so used, I'm leaving only my journal entries here, more as proof to me than you, you I don't care
.I had 71 devitations nearly 400 favourites 65 watchers and it's no different to now! I had my very good reason(s) so don't dare say that, don't dare, fuck you! And for that guy who goes around watching wasted accounts! Don't you dare watch me; IT'S NOT A WASTED ACCOUNT!!!!!!!!!!!!
One last thing about this site which drove me inane, other people have problems too, and I'm sorry I can't deal with taking in hundreds, if people ever want/wanted to talk to me of course they can, but it's hard, especially when those people turn out to be your close friends
Ya know other reasons I kept to this site, maybe without knowing it was cause I like English ok and I hated my teacher I was pissed off how she always seemed to pick on me and for what good, what pissed me off even more is what I got in my mocks
.an f yeah there ya ok, and people on this site tell me wow my poetry is amazing and they'll never be as good as me (thanks really, but if you really believe that trying does..)that's the only one thing that drove me insane then helped me, It's not the same thing, for my exam I don't write poetry
.maybe English isn't for me, not the way they teach it, I rather stick to myself my own beliefs rather than taking others
there was also other things if felt that kept me going onto this site maybe knowing or ot knowing it i don't wanna talk about,*cough*moving on
For those of you I'll never talk to again, have a nice life, and good luck
I know there is a lot of people unfairly banded sorry for them
And if I am for some reason banned for this journal entry(sorry you can't handle the truth)well I'm soory too, for those who didn't get to read it
I'm going to send some of you notes now
And sorry I couldn't keep up my person every week for you to check out, I'll give you loads now
Here's thanks to all my watchers(even though what I said)
and yeah those I watch, you want good art, and my people I suggest(even though some I just found out, are banned! And some left, yeah took their work with them
Yeah I hope that weird box thing doesn't come up, um, yeah ok so I'm going to go now, wish I could say it was fun, it was partly but not a lot I can defiantly say memorable, god everything feels like the matrix, well ciao I'm off
.happy birthday to me